Perfectionism is *not* wanting to be perfect.
And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for perfection in our lives.
*Perfectionism* is the mistaken belief that anything less than perfection is worthless about our life in general, or a part of our life in particular. That is just simply not true. Success is a continuum, and most of us are on the top side of it, even when we feel like we’re not. And, it’s a long haul, over the course of our lives, where most people will at times feel very successful, and at times, not, and that is very normal.
I would say that most of the problems among Harvard students can be condensed to perfectionism. Let me explain.
Once you accept the perfectionist assumption ("that anything less than perfection is worthless"), you start thinking two things:
(1) Extremely risky behavior that most people would consider irrational becomes attractive if it has a small chance of allowing you to be “perfect". There are more serious behaviours: Cheating on a test. Doing drugs. Committing a crime; and less serious behaviors: not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not exercising. And, they’re all addictive.
Here’s the (somewhat sick) rationalization. The perfectionist thinks that he’s in a “lose lose” situation. That if he does not take the risk, he is worthless because he is not perfect. And, if he does, he might be hurt (caught, get sick, etc), but that’s no worse for him than where he is.
(2) Once you feel yourself slipping, you decide it isn’t worth the effort to keep going.
This also feeds on itself, for a few reasons:
(a) The person doesn’t want to admit that they have made this decision so they will invent reasons why they have to stop (they’ll get sick, or they’ll decide that the entire field is corrupt).
(b) Or, they will literally erase the decision from their memory and move on, having learned nothing and isolated their “perfectionism” to a particular part of their life.
Here’s the thing. I’m convinced that as soon as someone who suffers from perfectionism realizes the distinction between “wanting to be perfect” and “perfectionism", the entire psychological distortion falls apart… it’s just a nuance that you have to see, and then, it’s like “Oh, right. Exactly.” So, please, be aware of your friends who feel this way because it is far more common than you think.